I ATTRACT CREEPERS :[ real stories, real creepers

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”

I was at the bowling alley one night with a couple guy friends who work there. One comes back and informs me that one of the regulars asked something about me. Being good friends, they tell him nothing. The moment they disappear, I get a weird push/tap on my shoulder and I turned around to this:

Boy: Hi, uh I just wanted to apologize for staring at you all night.

I must’ve looked confused because he continued…

Boy: Oh, yeah I wasn’t sure if you noticed. So can I get your name? I’m (name).

He puts his hand out as if to shake mine, and being at a complete loss, I gave him my name and shook his hand.

Boy: Alright, (says my name wrong). I’ll see you next time. :]

Been 100 years? I've never even met you in person.

I was about to sign off AIM for the night when I got an IM from someone I didn't know. Apparently, this guy that I "met through facebook" aka commented on the same item on a mutual friend's wall decided to make use of my AIM screen name and message me at 4AM. I don't think I've ever signed off on someone so quickly before.
Bob:
im bored
Bob:
how have u been!
Bob:
its been like 100 years
Me:
hello stranger
Bob:
whadfet
Bob:
im no stranger
Me:
sorry who are youu
Bob:
(name)
Me:
oohh
Bob:
from at least 2 year sago
Me:
i'm about to sleep !
Me:
why are you up ?!
Bob:
cuz
Bob:
i missed u and
Bob:
needed to
Bob:
talk
Bob:
to
Bob:
hwo is ur dog?
Bob:
u never told me u had a dog
Bob:
i want one
Bob:
but my land lord
Bob:
is gay
Bob:
dont sleep
Me:
lol i just got my dog in july
Bob:
are u done
Bob:
wit schoool?
Bob:
or wat
Bob:
where ru now
Me:
i have to be up in 5 hours
Bob:
lets go watch movies
Bob:
ohoh
Bob:
lets go
Bob:
ihop
Bob:
omg
Me:
lol i reallyyy need to pass
Me:
sorryyy
Bob:
how come ur going to bed
Bob:
just
Bob:
all night it
Me:
But i will talk to you later! (: you caught me right when i was going off
Bob:
haha
Bob:
thats wat she said
Me:
lol
Me:
goto sleep !!
Bob:
togehter?
Bob:
<3
Bob:
with the dog too?
Bob:
omg
Bob:
pat pat apt
Bob:
pat
Bob:
pat
Me:
of course ?!
Me:
Good night !
IM-forwarding:
ok darling u can go to bed first i'll get in soon. just dont fall asleep before i get there :)
I deserved the last part, but again, I don't know the guy.

High School Lockers

So I had just checked my mailbox and was waiting for the elevator. I had received some sort of fancy invitation and started making small talk with some guy I recognized. I knew him because I had also made small talk in the laundry room with him. “Wow, check out this fancy invite!”

The elevator finally comes and we both get inside. I stand in the normal elevator position: facing the door and looking at the numbers. He instead decides to turn to face me. If that wasn’t creepy enough, he puts one arm against the wall and leans as if this is a cheesy high school drama and we’re in the hallway against the lockers. Out of the corner of my eye I see that he’s staring me down.

“UM. What was your name, by the way?” I rush while extending my hand in an attempt to make him remove himself from that creepy pose. It works— momentarily— as he shakes my hand, but he immediately resumes leaning towards me, high-school-lockers style. I stare intently at my invitation.

*ding* Finally the elevator gets to my floor and I shout “BYE!” as I speed-walk away.

Later on I get a friend request. I decide to accept it anyway. I get this message on my wall:

“Whoa, Scieszka signed your Stinky Cheese Man book? This is like 3 Status updates late, but still, that’s awesome… anyways, what’s up? When’s the next time I’ll see you in the elevator? lol”

1) I can’t believe he looked at my old status updates, 3 statuses in

2) I cant believe he acknowledged it

3) aww hell no

"I am a 1+2+1 year"

Roommate and I decide to support our friend who organizes the "Last Lecture Series" Events on campus by attending. This particular event had free pizza and drinks for all who attended which sounds like a good thing for all, but ended up to be bad news for me...
We get to the room and sit in the very back and suddenly we see an awkward and FOBBY boy with 5+ slices of pizza on his plate, slowly walking toward and finally sit in the seat in front of us.
Roomie:
*whispering to me*
It's all your fault...
(She was referencing my facebook quiz I took the other day - "What type of guy do you attract?" FYI, I got creepers...)
Me:
*under my breath*
Shush! it's not true... I hope. ><
Creeper:
*turns around and tries to make small talk*
So what are you here for?
Roomie:
We're here to support our friend....
Creeper:
Oh. I'm here JUST for the free pizza
*as if the 5 slices of pizza's weren't obvious*
Me:
Uhhh.... O-kay....
*tries to go back to talking to just roomie*
Creeper:
*smiling happily*
Do you like my shirt? This is my first time wearing it in a long time because it's been too cold... *mumbles on*
(Imagine an ugly nautical-themed polo that dad's would wear, but you'd rather be dead than caught with a dad wearing that kind of shirt. That's what he was wearing...)
Roomie:
*hearing only that it's his first time wearing his shirt*
Oh, Are you a freshman?
Creeper:
No, I am a 1 + 2 + 1 year
Me:
*thinking*
WTF? Is it really THAT hard to say you're a 4th year/senior?
Roomie:
*Immediately knows she needs to save me from this awkward boy, downs her cup of lemonade and looks to me*
Hey, you want to get some more
Me:
*Not getting the hint, stare at my half-full cup*
I still have some left =(
Roomie:
*leaves to refill her cup as I was taking WAY too long to get the hint*
Creeper:
*tries to continue conversation which somehow turns to how tap water and bathroom water are one in the same... and into a conversation about microbes*
Me:
*trying to shoot him down by disputing his ideas with evidence and trying to show how stupid he is* (I'm a microbiology major....)
Creeper:
*Goes off spouting wrong information and trying to act smart while mentioning he's an NPB (Neurobiology, Physiology & Behavior) Major and plans to go to Med School... droning on and further backing up my fear of healthcare for the future if 90% of the Pre-Meds I meet are like this...*
Roomie:
*finally gets back!*
Me:
*HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF*
** Last Lecture Series FINALLY starts!**
After the event, my roommate informed me that the creeper had changed his seat mid-way through the lecture and sat in an awkward position and angle so that he could see us through the corner of his eye.... I was so focused on what the professor had to say, that I didn't notice. ><
After the incident we told our friend who was all too happy to hear it's the same guy who stalks one of her really good friends. Apparently he hangs out at the Memorial Union stalking girls... Her friend was happy to know that the Creeper boy had a new girl/victim to stalk and not her...
Earlier this quarter, I also find that he had been stalking my old roommate all summer by taking the same bus, talking to her, and even asking her out for lunch each time. Luckily she is able to shoot him down each time....

Wtf. I met this guy online and we’ve been chatting for a little bit. But out of the blue he emails me the following email:

God damn… all efforts are worthless

I swear to god she does this shit on purpose

Guys are stay tryin to throw her purses

But all of em end up boxed up in hearses

Every single one of em are creepers or squares

Walking up behind her trying to sweep up her hairs

Haha. Yeah, Jesus prolly made her with silly putty

But even though Id never admit, her jokes are pretty funny

He took his precious time to mold her

Sitting there chillin with me like shes Scully to my Moulder

But you cant even touch her man

Shes hotter than a crimson red frying pan

And I laugh cause she cant even cook…

But who needs to cook with those stunning good looks

She turns on the sweet voice and begins to ask and plead

And you stupid mother fuckers give her everything she needs

And I laugh in your face if you think that’s how you get her

If that was your plan you need to think of something better

But here I am talking shit like I know how

So I cant even blame you now…

Shes just so fucking confusing

She says one thing and it could fucking mean two things

Or seven, twelve, or twenty

I wish I would have know she’d be this destructive when she met me

And this is the thing that really gets my blood to steam

When she talks real shit to me whats it all really mean ?

Does she say it to these other guys ?

Are they her shoulder when she cries ?

Why do I even give a shit ?

But yet I cant let go of it.

Feel like Im on a team with the rest of these guys

That sit here all day and keeps telling her lies

Does is matter that I tell her the truth and what she means to me ?

Or will she drop me like the ripest apple from the apple tree

Its her life and she knows shes the boss

Its sad but… I probably already lost

I don’t think I’m gonna win this

Don’t even know it I have the energy to finish…

You have been talking about selfishness.  Especially how you hate selfish people. Well then I’m surprised you don’t hate me… Even though you might now after what I’m about to say. I don’t know what it is about you. I don’t know what you said to me to think this way. I don’t know what you did…but I feel extremely protective of you at times. I say at times just for my pride even though I mean like 80%. I hide it well. Or I’d like to think I do. All these other guys. I cant stand seeing their names. Jackson… Nemo… even Yannick… Oh god. I cant believe I just said that but w/e. I promised myself no backspacing. I don’t expect you to change what you do and I don’t want you to either. But I just had to tell you that you have successfully made me jealous for the first time. Of course I’ve felt jealous before like if my friend got the new Blackberry before I did…but nothing like this. Nothing that I have to see everyday. But I cant even be mad, because you aren’t doing anything wrong. You are just being you. Back to selfishness. I don’t like sharing you. At all. I hate the fact that It bugs me though because I just look like another one of your boy toys. Maybe not to you but to other people probably. I just wish you would slow down and take a look at what really matters in your life. You say that you are going to suck another person in your vortex and I want to say “Hey why don’t you just chill and talk to me” but all that comes out is “Oh… I guess” because I don’t want to be THAT guy… I see a lot of great in you. And don’t huff and puff because one thousand people before me got to say it to you and you are tired of hearing it. I mean it. You are a special person. Deep down I know you mean well and I know you are caring and all that mushy gushy shit. Alright ! That’s enough lovey dovey stuff. I have to save that for my wife. Look Ling Ling. All I’m saying is lately Ive been feeling just like everyone else. Maybe it’s a reality check for me saying look you really are JUST like everyone else or maybe I’m over reacting. Its prolly both. I just needed to write it. If this shit scares you off and you run away because of it… so be it. Its your fault for getting me addicted to you in the first place. By the looks of it you know how to do it pretty fucking well.

Wtf.

creeper boy:
wanna meet up sometime?
me:
no, thank you
creeper boy:
lol okay um i just thought it was strange for you to accept the request...
me:
frankly, i don't understand what your last message meant. you have (and i looked) 503 friends on facebook. i doubt you "meet up" with all or even most of them. i have no reason not to have accepted your request. however, it is my prerogative to say yes or no to your invitations to lunch or meeting up. thanks for the invite but no. have a good spring break!
creeper boy:
lol no; well i know most (if not all; perhaps there were some random people here n there) and yes, the point is that i just wanted to meet up with you. i'm not saying you need to... i just find it strange that we're facebook friends in this respect. like, you don't have to accept the friend request if you don't want to be, because this sounds truly unusual..
BTW: I NEVER dated this boy. I met him only once and it was briefly for coffee with a handshake&#8212;no hug or other physical contact.

BTW: I NEVER dated this boy. I met him only once and it was briefly for coffee with a handshake—no hug or other physical contact.

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